Don’t Go it Alone

“There are many elements that go into the total concept of fellowship,as described in the New Testament, but sharing together in suffering is one of the most profitable. It probably unites our hearts together in Christ more than any other aspect of fellowship.”

~ Jerry Bridges

Okay, so today’s devotional might be a little too truthful. I only say that because it is for me. Yes, even as I am writing this I know that I need to hear this truth more than ever, at this moment in my life. We need to hear the truth if we are going to grow and be the person God intended us to be. So let’s dig in deep, soften our hearts and open our ears to some hard truth today. I will write this only in love with no condemnation or judgement. I will definitely be speaking from the heart.

What do we usually tell our kids when they finally open up to us and let us know that they are being bullied at school? How do we tend to respond to a friend who lets us in on a struggle that they have been going through, alone? I’m usually telling my kids that they need to get a grownup involved, that they need to tell someone what is going on so they can get help. And when I find out that a friend has been going through a very difficult time I hear myself saying something along the lines of, “Oh my goodness, I had no idea you were dealing with that! I wish you would have told me so I could have been there for you.”. I have repeatedly told my kids that they need to let me in and tell me what’s going on in their lives because I can’t help them fix the problem if I don’t know that there is one. When a friend thanks me for listening to them and helping them get through whatever it is they are dealing with I tell them, “That is what I’m here for.”, and I sincerely mean that.

I’m guessing that you have had similar conversations with your children and your friends at some point. We honestly are heart broken when we realize that our children, loved ones, friends have been alone in their suffering We would never want them to face their problems alone. So why is it that when we are facing a challenging situation we try to do just that, we try to go it alone? Why do we not just pick up the phone and call our family members and ask them for some help? (Don’t like to actually talk on the phone? Pick up that phone and text them.) Why do we believe that no one has gone through what we are going through and therefore won’t understand the magnitude of our problem? Do we really think that no one in our inner circle wants to help us out; that we are asking way too much of them? Better yet, what makes us have these doubts, these thoughts, and makes us believe them as truth?

If you are like me you don’t want to bother anyone with your ‘tiny’ problems. I somehow believe that those around me have bigger and more important matters to deal with than my issues…and boy, I have plenty. Usually there is a small voice in my head that reminds me that I could be coping with a lot worse than what is in front of me, which is true and a very valid point. As I am trying to handle the current problem I think to myself that I should just get my dear friend’s opinion on how she would deal with the situation. Then the voice in my head gets bigger and louder, telling me that I am being selfish and I’d be bothering that friend with something so trivial. That’s when I start to believe the voice. I start to believe that no one wants to hear my problems; no one has gone through what I’m going through so I’ll just go through it alone. Does this sound familiar to you at all?

So here’s some honesty: it wasn’t until I was leading a Bible study at my church that I realized there were a lot of women who had the same thought process as I did. I thought I was the only one who had those nasty voices in my head telling me to deal with my problems on my own. Nope! Pretty much all of the women agreed that they didn’t like bothering others with their problems, or they felt like no one would understand what they were going though so they kept it to themselves. That was a huge a-ha moment for me. I wasn’t the only one who wrestled with this. Oh my! Why do we continue to have these thoughts? Why do we continue to suffer alone?

If we are going to change at all, we must recognize that negative voice as the enemy. He wants us to believe the lies he is telling us so that we will keep to ourselves and not rally others around us. He is hoping that we will stay isolated and cut ourselves off from the Body of Christ, and when that happens he has a better chance at whispering bigger lies to us. You see, even the enemy knows we need others around us to support us. I have heard others say that the enemy will try and stop you from doing the very thing that you need to do to protect yourself from him. He KNOWS we’re stronger as a community. He KNOWS God wants us to live in community with the Body of Christ.

Jesus did not go through his time on Earth alone. He traveled with his 12 disciples, his apostles. They represented so many different walks of life too, they were not all from the same background. There were fishermen (Matt 4:18-20), a tax collector (Mark 2:14), a thief (John 12: 4-6), a Zealot (Matt 10:4); and later Paul the Pharisee (Acts 23:6) and tent maker (Acts 18: 1-3) leaned on the people of the church to help him through his sufferings. Why am I bringing this up? To show that we do not have to have people in our lives who are ‘exactly like us’ to understand our suffering.

“How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity! It is like precious oil poured on the head…For there the LORD bestows his blessing, even life forevermore.” (Psalms 133: 1-3)

“For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.” (Matthew 18: 20)

The verses from Psalms 133 and Matthew 18 are a great reminder that we were meant to live together with others and when we do Christ is there with us. Are you still asking yourself why? Why do we need others in our lives? Why do we need to reach out and ask for the help we know we need? Well, besides keeping the enemy and his lies far from us, we help one another up off the ground, we encourage one another, we listen, we empower, we comfort, we are someone’s strength when they have none, we intercede for them in prayer when words escape them.

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another – and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” (Hebrews 10: 24-25)

“But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.” (Hebrews 3: 13)

It’s beautiful to see that kind of unity and encouragement in action. To actually be a part of that is beyond anything I can put into words. Let me see if I can explain it: When we break down our walls and open up to someone, we are blessing that individual. Yes! It’s true! When we let them into our suffering, when we show them the ugly, scary, heart-breaking truth we are living, we are blessing them with our trust, our love and the opportunity to go to God and intercede for us. The blessing then continues for them when they can rejoice with us on the other side of our struggle. In turn, when they need encouragement or someone to talk to we can be there for them. What an honor to be able to have that kind of trust placed in us; to be able to help, pray for, and encourage someone else.

“Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” (Romans 12: 15)

Beth Moore once said (and I am paraphrasing here) that for us to go through our struggle alone and then see the blessing on the other side of it, alone, is one thing. But to go through that same struggle with someone else is a double blessing. God is revealed to both of us in the struggle and then the blessing on the other side of it.

I am writing this for myself more than you know. Stop trying to do it all on your own. Stop keeping others from your ‘tiny’ problems. Stop thinking that you will bother those in your life when you open up to them about needing help. Stop listening to those lies from the enemy. He is trying to keep you from the Body of Christ for a reason. He doesn’t want you to lean on someone else.

“When a Christian shuns fellowship with other Christians, the devil smiles. When he stops studying the Bible, the devil laughs. When he stops praying, the devil shouts for joy.”

~ Corrie Ten Boom

My friend, I am speaking this truth from experience. Experience as new and as fresh as this blog post. You see, I had such a hard time sitting down and writing this particular post. I had days where the words weren’t there; the Bible verses I had read several times before were impossible to find. I doubted everything I wrote and kept questioning if I was doing the right thing. After a week of struggling with it I finally reached out to my friend. Hearing her words of wisdom and having her remind me to not let the enemy get to me was exactly what I needed to finish this post. Had I not reached out for help, I’m not sure when I would have posted again.

As I am finishing up this post, Chris Tomlin’s song “Rejoice” came up on my playlist. How beautifully poetic! The chorus just spoke to my heart,

“Rejoice, rejoice. And sing with the Angel voices. Rejoice, rejoice. All Heaven and Earth rejoice.”

Amen! I will rejoice in this blessing and I will share this blessing with my friend who took time to encourage me! My prayer for you is that you allow yourself to open up and invite trusted ones into your suffering. I pray that God will show himself to you through those he has placed in your life, and that you will rejoice on the other side of your struggle with those who encouraged you.

See you on the front porch.