The Regret
The beautifully decorated Christmas tree is down, the sparkling lights are unplugged. The delicate ornaments and decorations are carefully packed up in their boxes, waiting to be pulled out and displayed next Christmas season. The house feels empty and, quite honestly, looks a bit weird without Christmas in every corner of every room. Some of you may be thinking I am weird for keeping my house decorated for so long. You might be thinking, “Wow, we take our decorations down as soon as possible.”, and that’s okay. I just love the look, the smell and the feeling of Christmas. I always have and I hope to never grow out of it.
I can feel a bit of uneasiness and uncertainty creeping over my shoulders, like a knitted cold shawl, as I sit here, looking out the window at the snow. It’s grey and foggy outside. The land looks cold and uninviting out there, which saddens me because in the short time we have been here I have fallen in love with our property. I know people look forward to the New Year, the new starts, the do-overs. I usually do as well, however this New Year seems to have brought with it the reminder of the things I did not accomplish…again. This year has started out by bringing past regrets with it. So now I can not only lie awake at night worrying about things to come, I can rehash all of the dreams I didn’t see through. Yeah! Happy New Year!
When the idea and topic of this particular blog came to mind I would have never guessed how in depth and detailed it would turn out to be. Therefore this will be the first post in a series of posts for the topic of regret, or regrets if you’re anything like me. I didn’t feel like I would be doing anyone any favors by just quickly brushing over the topic and the Bible verses for this. God laid an enormous amount of valuable information at my feet that I knew, deep down, He was telling me He really wants us to learn from this. Doesn’t He always, though? With that in mind, let’s dig in:
Webster’s Revised Unabridged Dictionary says this about regret:
1. (v.) Pain of mind on account of something done or experienced in the past, with a wish that it had been different; a looking back with dissatisfaction or with longing; grief; sorrow; especially, a mourning on account of the loss of some joy, advantage, or satisfaction.
2. (v.) Dislike; aversion.
3. (v. t.) To experience regret on account of; to lose or miss with a sense of regret; to feel sorrow or dissatisfaction on account of (the happening or the loss of something); as, to regret an error; to regret lost opportunities or friends.
Raise your hand if you have ever, even once in your life, felt any of the emotions, actions, listed above. Oh yes, my hand is raised high. I cannot list the things that I have regrets about. Well, I could, but it would be such a long, sad, upsetting list that just doesn’t need to be rehashed in public. I do enough rehashing of the past on my own. Remember, I lie awake at night going over that list.
“Pain of mind on account of something done or experienced in the past, with a wish that it had been different…”. Oh boy, that hits deep. Let’s be honest with ourselves, not in a ‘oh poor me, look at how awful I was’ sort of way, but in a healthy ‘let’s work through this and move past this’ way. And we can move past the regrets with God’s grace. God’s grace and mercy covers our pain of our misinformed decisions. It heals the wounds we may have caused others and ourselves. He has already forgiven us of our worst so we can live life at our best.
I have spent so many years hiding from the light, the truth, afraid of everyone knowing what I had done…what I had not done. Ya know, sometimes those things that I haven’t done are the things that I tend to regret the most. The missed opportunities, the unanswered phone calls from friends and family, the help I did not ask for, the forgiveness I did not give to those who hurt me. Oh how my heart hurts just typing those words. I could easily fall deep into the pit of regret and self-pity again.
Being on this side of that darkness I know there are others out there who have been there, or who are going through this right now. Spending time regretting things in our lives get us nowhere, and I think that we might feel if we focus on that regret that we are honoring those events or people we didn’t come through for. But how can that be? I mean honestly, how can our fixating on what could have been or what should have been, do us, or those involved, any good? The honest answer is it can’t.
The prophet Isaiah wrote, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?” (Isaiah 43: 18-19) Forget the former things? Do not dwell on the past? But that is what I am really good at. Anyone else? No, just me? Remember, we do no one any good by focusing, fixating on the past. Why? Why does God not want us to dwell on the past? Why does he want us to forget the former things in our lives? (By forgetting former things, I know he is not telling us to forget all of our beautiful memories, and I hope you know that too.) The Apostle Paul gave us our answer, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come.” (2 Corinthians 5: 17 emphasis mine) We have studied this verse before but it bears repeating: “He who was seated on the throne said, ‘I am making everything new!’ ” (Revelation 20: 5 emphasis mine)
God does not want us focusing on our past regrets because he is making all things new, he is making us new. Each and every day he is creating newness all around us, getting rid of the old things. He is covering the old things that have caused us pain, sadness, loss, regret and making newness in it’s place. We can either live in the past dwelling on the pain, the longing for a do-over, the errors, the mourning and the hurt. Or we can live in the here and now and be a part of the new creations that God is creating…ourselves included. We can open our eyes to the new day and enjoy the adventures and opportunities that are right in front of us. We can grasp every moment we have with our friends and families and make new memories.
I wrote down a quote in the margin of my Bible and I wish that I had added who originally wrote this quote: “The old sinner is gone; the new life in Christ has come. The forgiven past isn’t our business anymore.” How absolutely beautiful is that? How healing are those words right now? What really resonates with me is that the forgiven past isn’t our business anymore…our forgiven past…don’t let that slip past you for one second. Your past is forgiven! My past is forgiven! God has forgiven us! Isn’t it time we start forgiving ourselves?
Tomorrow we will look at the Biblical meaning of the word regret. I was surprised at what God revealed to me. I believe if you stick with this, if you continue to lean in to what God has to teach, you will be able to start living the life He created for you…forgiven and new!
My prayer for you is that God has spoke to your heart through this today; that He will continue to draw you to this devotional to finish it and see it through so He can continue to heal your heart. May He show you the beautiful new creations He is creating all around you so you can let go of the past and focus on all He is doing in your life. May the loving forgiveness of God draw you in and tender your own heart so you can forgive yourself.
See you on the front porch.