You Are…

My heart is heavy, confused and worried. In the past month we have had several threats made to multiple schools in the area that I live in. I am only giving out that much information, information that can be found just by reading the local news. As a mom it is very scary to hear it happened at your child’s school. It is also a hard subject matter to talk about with your child. However, it is one that must be addresses. There are hard questions that need truthful answers and sometimes those are answers I just don’t have.

After several days of reading comments on social media about these threats several things crossed my mind. One is, we are all very opinionated. Sometimes to a point where we refuse to listen to what anyone else has to say. The second thought was how different the lives of our children are than the lives we lived as children. We never had to worry about the issues our children have to worry about. The third thing that crossed my mind was: these kiddos need help!

Do you remember your children as toddlers? Oh their sweet chubby little cheeks, their pudgy fingers, rolls on their thighs that are just so darn cute. Do you remember their tantrums, their over the top fits they would throw? Their tantrums could be for any number of reasons: they didn’t like the lunch you had prepared for them, they wanted to watch a certain cartoon instead of taking a much needed nap, they wanted a snack, they didn’t like the shirt they were wearing. Then there were the tantrums that we, as parent’s, just couldn’t figure out. They boggled our minds, they drained our energy and some even left us in tears right along with our child. What a sight it was, us cuddling our sweet little one as the tears fell down both our faces. The hugs and kisses that wiped away the tears seemed to make everything right with the world.

Now, I am NOT a child expert. I am NOT a child psychologist and definitely NOT a behavior specialist. I am just as confused about parenting today as I was the day I had our first born. So, what I am writing is just my honest, humble, heart-felt opinion. I know we all have different opinions on this subject and a great, open, respectful dialog is always welcome. I am just wondering about the ‘tantrums’ and why our children had the ones we couldn’t explain.

Sometimes it may have been that our young one couldn’t verbally express their needs, wants or frustrations with the situation they were in. Sometimes it was simply for our undivided attention. Now, stay with me here…do you think that our children, as they grow up, still feel like they need to throw tantrums or fits, just on a different level depending on their age? I believe so. As I mentioned above, our kiddos have so much more to worry about than we did. They are in an era where they have unlimited information at their fingertips. It seems like they never have a quiet moment from the internet and tech noise. What an overload!

They now have unfiltered news on their classroom TV’s; they see people wanting to become internet famous at whatever they can think up; they have filters on their cameras that make them look completely different than they do in real life; and they have cyber bullying. As an adult this can be too much to take in. Now think about our kids. Think about their impressionable minds, their tender hearts, their insecurities, their questions, worries…how can they not be overwhelmed?!

I am not condoning any behavior or justifying what has happened. These are very serious incidences that have to be addressed. I want to suggest that our kids have a hard time expressing their frustrations. They might not know how to deal with the worrisome news they see. They just might have a difficult time talking about their emotions and their feelings. This might just lead to them acting out. And those ‘fits’ will happen in varying degrees with each child.

So what does this have to do with Bible study and devotionals? I promise I will bring this all together. As adults we have a hard time dealing with all of the information around us. We have bullies in our lives, we see people who seems to have their lives all together and they are perfect compared to our lives, we have moments of feeling insecure or inadequate because of the images we see on the internet or in magazines…I mean how can we live our lives without Photoshop, am I right? Do we always talk about these feelings? No, not always. So why do we think our kiddos will readily open up about theirs?

What can we do about this? We can’t force them to talk to us. We can’t read their minds, no matter how handy that would be. We do what we can: we love them unconditionally and fiercely, encourage them daily, pray over them and remind them who God made them to be. They may not want to listen and even balk at the idea of us praying over them, but as their parent’s we need to protect them. And that includes reminding them who they are and Who’s they are! “How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!” (1 John 3:1 emphasis mine)

What better way to encourage our children, to remind them they are not alone and that they are loved than to read Scripture to them, to pray with them and pray for them? Sure, when we tell them we love them, it may seem like it goes in one ear and out the other, but it does not mean that they are completely tuning us out. You know how it is, you can give your child an answer to a question they asked you and then they question if it is a correct answer. But when they ask someone else the same exact question and they get the same answer from that person, suddenly it is the correct answer. Ha! If…when they question if they are alone, loved, worthy…read this passage to them:

“The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” (Zephaniah 3:17 emphasis mine)

This verse makes me smile every time I read it. We can tell our own kids that we’re there for them when their lives are difficult, that we will help them through tough situations and that we really do find them delightful. However, I feel like they think we’re their parent’s so we have to say those things to them. How did you feel when you read that verse? Did it make you feel loved and valued? Then just imagine how a child, who questions those very things about themselves, will feel when hearing those words.

“For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight.” (Ephesians 1:4 emphasis mine) With all that our kids have to deal with they might feel like the weight of the world is on their shoulders. Do they feel like everyone is out to get them and quick to point out their flaws? I know I felt like that at times, and honestly I can still feel like that now, as an adult. We need to instill in them that before God, the One who chose them, they are holy and blameless. They are forgiven of their sins, and their sins are not counted against them, “Blessed is the man whose sin the LORD does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit.” (Psalm 32:2 NIV emphasis mine); “Count yourself lucky – God holds nothing against you and you’re holding nothing back from him.” (Psalm 32:2 The Message emphasis mine)

I’m not sure how many of our precious youth need to hear those words at this very moment, but I’m guessing it’s quite a bit. Our world is so quick to criticize, blame, shame, belittle, curse, and discard others without a second thought. Our society, as a whole, does not take into consideration how hurtful their words and actions can be. As adults this cruelty can leave us feeling like we were in a physical fight. How can we expect our kids to handle this type of callousness? What ever happened to loving your neighbor as yourself? (Matt 22:39) When did we stop loving as Jesus loved? (John 13:34)

Every day we need to remind our kids they are:

• Created in God’s own image, “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” (Genesis 1:27)
• Chosen, holy, belonging to God, “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God…” ( 1 Peter 2:9)
• Loved, “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving kindness.” (Jeremiah 31:3)
• Forgiven, “As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.” (Psalm 103: 12); “Then he adds: ‘Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more.’ ” (Hebrews 10:17)
• Valuable, “So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” (Matthew 10:31)
• Loved, saved and given eternal life, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” (John 3: 16-17)

As I mentioned before I am not condoning any of the behavior that has taken place recently, I am not here to place any blame or to point fingers and I am certainly not here with all of the answers. I do know that we can, with the help and guidance of the One who loves us, come together and help our kids. We can steady them in an unsteady world and point them in the right direction, in truth and love. (John 14:6)

My prayer for you is that you will be strengthened by the Father during difficult times, such as these. May he guide your words in the hard conversations. May your hearts break like his for your children and the children around you. May God guide our youth; give them courage to face the uncertain times, peace for the unsettling times and a burning desire to follow his path. May you continue to raise them up as the loved, cherished, worthy children of God that they are!

See you on the front porch.